The Onion has fun with phony Ozzie quotes

Staff report

In light of Ozzie Guillen's comments about supposed favoritism of Asian ballplayers, the Onion has compiled some of the foul-mouthed skipper's most famous made-up quotes.

For example, in 2007 Guillen didn't have this to say about the Red Sox's Dustin Pedroia:

"I love Dustin Pedroia. He is very good hitter. And he has a strong back, so he could be climbed up on and I sit on his shoulders and ride around on him like riding a little horse that loves me and eats apples and I have to pitch around because he is a good hitter."

The rest are unprintable but very funny. See for yourself: theonion.com